You May Now Commence Worship

Don't look so taken aback by that heading. There are only two reasons why you'd be perusing this page: one, you think I am the very embodiment of perfection and are salivating at the opportunity to learn yet more about yours truly, or two, you're a convicted felon who derives some sick perverse joy from obsessing over me. For both of our sakes, why don't we stick to explanation number one?

So anyway, seeing as how I have not been deterred in the least by my own admission of the possible existence of psychopathic lurkers, let's continue with the reckless divulgence of the private details of my life. My name is Candace. I was born on March 19, 1982 in Illinois. That makes me a Pisces, which means absolutely nothing to me, since I don't believe in astrology. But in case you happen to, I hear that I am supposed to be especially compatible with Scorpios. (Note. That was not an invitation if you are, indeed, a Scorpio. I was merely attempting to disseminate some knowledge.)

I recently managed to graduate from Stanford University with a major in Procrastination and a minor in Sleep. Oh, and I think I might have also studied some Human Biology at some point. If you're wondering, the cynicism is my feeble attempt at diguising my sheer unadulterated horror at the thought of being finished with college (i.e., the best years of my life). Anyway, my existence is currently consumed by my attempt to get into medical school. If all goes well, I should know where I'm headed in a few months. Otherwise, you'll most likely find me living in a cardboard box under a bridge somewhere in 5-10 years. Ideally, I'd like a career in academic medicine, perhaps in gynecologic oncology or general surgery, and I'm planning to apply for astronaut candidacy someday. But, you know, I'm flexible. As long as I don't end up as a sad, lonely old hag who lives with her 500 cats and smells like Ben-Gay. Sadly, considering my prior track record, I might as well start stocking up on kitty litter.

I digress. Back to, well, me. At present, I live in Oregon with my parents, my grandma, and my cat Pumpkin. In my spare time, I sleep. And on the rare occasion when I'm not sleeping, I can be found doing outdoorsy stuff (or pretending to); bemoaning the pathetic entity that is the Portland Trailblazers organization; reading all manner of books; cross-stitching; crocheting; knitting; doing crossword puzzles; watching movies; or foraging for food. My favorite book is Ender's Game, by, not coincidentally, my favorite author, Orson Scott Card. Other authors I really enjoy are Kurt Vonnegut and Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I just finished reading Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being, which is an absolutely gorgeous piece of literature. Right now, I'm reading David Foster Wallace's Everything and More: A Compact History of Infinity. Extremely fascinating, but might I suggest that material dealing heavily with the nature of abstraction is more easily understood if you don't attempt to read it right before bedtime. I also recommend Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential for those who enjoy the epicurean delights, like myself (see below). My favorite movie is the Lord of the Rings trilogy (and, yes, that counts as one movie. one 10 hour long movie.)

A side note on that: Some of you faithful readers may recall a time when Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope held that esteemed place in my heart. By way of explanation, I'll say that it isn't that I feel Lucas cheapened the spirit of the original trilogy by making the overcommercialized, poorly written and Jar Jar-infested prequels. That has no bearing on the *real* Star Wars--I'm not throwing the baby out with the bathwater. In terms of its emotional resonance, entertainment value, impact on the film industry, technological innovation, quality of acting and depth of the themes explored, I truly believe that LOTR is the better movie. Of course, it has the benefit of being based on Tolkien's literary masterpiece (and astoundingly fleshed-out alternate universe, if you will). In addition to that, however, as an aficionado of not just film, but filmmaking, my greatest appreciation is for the unparalleled production quality--the complete immersion of the cast and crew (and, resultingly, the audience) in the creation of the world of Middle Earth. I mean, seriously, two dudes spent, like, years making I don't know how many thousand pieces of chain mail by individually, HAND-LINKING millions of plastic rings. People spent countless manhours weaving beautiful, ornate tapestries that are seen on the screen in the background for a split second only. This level of commitment is what I think elevates LOTR beyond any other film that has been made. And, of course, so many of the motifs I loved in Star Wars (e.g., good vs. evil, the ordinary individual achieving the extraordinary against all odds...hell, you could even rationalize a Gandalf-Obi Wan Kenobi parallel) are present and more thoroughly explored in LOTR. End side note. (Yeah, in case it wasn't obvious, I have a penchant for expounding on topics I'm passionate about.) You can find out more about my film tastes, as well as my music tastes, elsewhere on this site.

Random crap you might want to remember so that you can freak me out by reciting it if I ever meet you: I like the colors aquamarine, silver and black. My favorite animals are monkeys and Holland lop bunnies. My shoe size is 7 1/2. My favorite flower is the dahlia. I speak English, Mandarin Chinese, and a Chinese dialect called Hakkanese. My favorite ice cream flavor is Blackberry, but I also like Coconut Pineapple, Cookie Dough, Green Tea, and Mint Chocolate Chip. Actually, I will probably eat any and all forms of ice cream. My favorite foods are oysters (I am quite aware that they are purported aphrodesiacs, but that's not why I like them. Really.), eggplant, mushrooms, and duck (not necessarily in combination with one another). So basically, I like to eat. A lot. In fact, my eating habits are best described as "frightening". For example, I once ate 24 chocolate-covered macadamia nuts in one sitting. I think that rounds out to something like 1500 calories. At one point, I ate Jack in the Box EVERY night at 3 a.m. for a three week span. In high school, people used to bet me money that I wouldn't eat terrifying combinations of food, like clam chowder mixed with ranch dressing, chocolate milk, jello, and ketchup. Needless to say, I made some quick cash in those days. (Are you afraid yet? See, this is my devious plan for deterring potential stalkers. I'm gross. Stay away from me. Unless you're a cute boy. In which case, uh, those were all lies. Not that I lie. Doh. Hold on while I take my foot out of my mouth.)

More random crap: I was born on the same day as Bruce Willis. Sadly, Bruce is probably not half as excited about that fact as I am. The words you are most likely to hear coming out of my mouth at any given time are "I'm hungry", "I'm bored", "I'm screwed", and "dude". I am also a big fan of the "If by X, you mean not-X" construction (as in, "Yeah, I'm pretty confident about my medical school prospects. If by confident, you mean scared shitless."). If I won the lottery, I would buy a yacht and sail around the world. I'm addicted to SDN, Spider Solitaire, and Sacramento Kings basketball. Once upon a time, I was also obsessed with Alias. What became of that obsession is a sad, sad, tragic tale, which I had better not delve into. I had a hard enough time restricting my LOTR comments to a single paragraph. At some point maybe I'll devote a page on this site to my film/television ramblings, but in the meantime, go read TWOP. Other TV shows I watch include South Park (Yes, I realize that some might construe the image of a mentally-handicapped boy in a wheelchair as being extremely politically incorrect...but come on...they're construction paper cut-outs! Not that I'm saying that the fact that Timmy isn't real means it's okay to use the handicapped as comedic material...DAMN. How did that foot get back in my mouth?), TNT's Inside the NBA, Sportscenter, Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, Trauma: Life in the ER, Iron Chef, ST:TNG re-runs, Whose Line is it Anyway?, and Smackdown/RAW (Yes. I know that wrestling is fake. But it's COOL.).

That's about it. If you want to know more, well, that's just too bad, because there isn't any more. (Which is my way of saying that I'm tired of typing.) Besides, I'm sure you have more than enough to go on by now if you're planning on stalking me.